My problem

I see content consumption as eating. Like a "what am I putting in my brain?" sort of question. I felt I needed to ask this question before I consume content. I guess it is mostly applicable to short-form content. I used to be addicted to reels. Watching one after the other, doom-scrolling, always on my phone and never stopping. In an attempt to eat mindfully, I deactivated my Instagram account and deleted the app from my phone, restricting access. I also gamified phone usage with the "Digital Wellbeing" feature. It worked for a few days too.

I thought these measures would cure my addiction, but they deviated it to other sources of mindless consumption. This time the content is more long-form, but I am consuming nonetheless. The thing that makes me sad is that this eating is aware. I know I am rotting my brain but I am not stopping. I haven't even seen House M.D. I don't have to watch hours of Dr. House being weird on YouTube. And I do it anyway. I feel guilty as I do it, and I do it anyway. I feel like Brandon in Shame, and that's pretty bad.

What am I doing about it?

A big bag of nothing.

What do I want to do about it?

I want to redefine what "meaningless consumption" means in my head. It used to be reels or any short-form content. Now, it is something I find while I am scrolling and I watch it not because I choose to watch it, but because I have to watch something. It is not a good feeling. I feel I need some ground rules that I must follow.

1. I should tell myself why I want to eat something before I start eating.
2. I need to ask myself how this would add value to my life.
3. I need to stop and take a moment before I start eating, and then contemplate all these points instead of ignoring them.
4. Rule #3.
5. Rule #3.

I wish I would be able to do these starting right now. I wish to be a healthy eater on the internet, and it's unbelievable how difficult that is. I wish to change things. I wish.

Bye.